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My database is faster than your database…

… can be a fascinating discussion over a beer (over whatever your preference is), especially if you like Top Gear, like me. The original Top Gear never mind, not the spin-offs.

It is lot’s of fun listening to Captain Slow’s explanation why his car is faster, because, besides it is better looking, the ‘ungentlemanly driving’ of Hammond and Clarkson cannot be accounted for.

The Top Gear benchmarks are benchmarks on its own, like the one where Hammond races a Volkswagen Touareg against a Snowmobile, on a downhill ski sloop of course, and by the way, the Volkswagen is a race-ready Paris Dakar Rally Car, not the standard version you buy from your local VW Dealer.

You might count a “celebrity in a reasonably priced car” another benchmark. At least unforgettable for me is the one, where Cameron Diaz almost beat Tom Cruise, and not because Cruise nearly flipped his reasonably priced car, but because she is really fast.

My car is faster than your car can also be a real creative exercise, like, yeah, your car is faster on a ¼ mile drag strip, but your car’s engine might blow up on the Bonneville Sand Flats when going the distance required to set a record a second time. On the other hand, it might not be a good idea to take the Bonneville Sand Flats record beater to the Nuerburgring, as it may not survive the first corner.

Annother creative benchmark one could be to put a Formula 1 race car engine into a Semi and vice versa, and compare, well, not really sure what....

Although I do not want to spoil a fun my-is-faster/better-than-yours bantering with a sober scientific database technology exercise, nevertheless, it might be worthwhile to expand the faster benchmark considerations by including smarter and simpler (sorry, I could not resist) points of views as well.

After all, would you trust the Top Gear Crew to make an investment decision impacting your company’s success in a competitive economy?

Maybe I would, or maybe not, not really, well, depends, certainly contingent to who drives the reasonably priced car…

PS: As John Appleby pointed out "Speed Plays are so 2012" please see his great blog http://www.saphana.com/community/blogs/blog/2013/07/18/the-top-10-sap-hana-myths-spread-by-other-vendors for more relevant discussions.

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